The Bitch and Me

I sat on a bench at the railway station and was eating my porridge. The bitch probably smelled the porridge and stood few feet away from me expecting me to give some portion to it. I tried to shoo her away. It moved back a little bit but came back, when I took a spoonful into my mouth. Few people, who sat the same bench where I sat, kept starting at me. Judged or not, I didn’t feel like sharing my breakfast with anyone, let alone with a bitch. But the bitch was persistent. I continued on eating. I didn’t try to meet the eyes of bitch. Once I saw into its eyes, I felt that I was heartless. But I didn’t give it to her demand. My worry was that why waste food on a bitch who may or my not like it. Or probably I was a selfish person who didn’t like to share his breakfast with a bitch.

Soon after, I looked around and found people staring at me in the same way exactly as the bitch was looking at me.

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Auspicious Occasion

Bhilu Ram along with other respected members of the SC category went to the village brahmin’s house.  The brahmin had gone to some work at city and his son asked the purpose of the visit. “I wanted to meet Panditji for getting the auspicious date for his son’s wedding.”

“But my father will only come home in the evening.”

“Can you do something? Like call your father or should we come tomorrow then?” He smiled and moments later, he added, “I want Panditji to consult the calendar and books to find an auspicious day, I have only one son.” Bhilu Ram was persistent.

“Sure.” The pandit’s son smiled. “I can talk to my father, let’s see what he says.”

He turned away from them, called his father and asked what he had been asked. “Give them any date. It doesn’t matter for shudras, whenever they get married. Auspiciousness and other good things aren’t for them. Don’t you know that?”

“Okay.”

He turned to tell them, “15 days from now…”but found them leaving the premises of his house.

It so happened during his father’s answer, the touch phone had gone to speaker phone.

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The Smoker’s Ego

I was in the local train. And I has sat on the top berth, which had a fenestrated wall through which I could see who was sitting on the other side. A guy was sat in the lower birth in the other side preached about abstaining meat from the diet. No one responded to his reasoning, yet he continued. Then, he lit a beedi. Few moments later, the smoke hit my nose and burned my eyes. If I wasn’t irritated with his biased talk with fixed ideology, the smoke kicked me into yelling out, “Stop smoking in here.”

“Who said it?”He yelled from his seat and got up. I looked through the grill. He was 6.5 feet, 120 kg men with red eyes of a drug addict. He continued, “What if I don’t?” Came the characteristic reply that you get when someone’s ego had been hurt. I said, “That won’t be a good thing.”

“Who are you? Who gives you the right to say something about smoking?”

“It’s against rule.”

“I fuck the rules. What will you do if I smoke?”

At that time, someone who was sitting in opposite side of me on top berth told me to don’t entertain him. Against the wish of my rule-abiding self, I kept myself mum.

He kept blabbering. My heart palpitated with an adrenaline surge and thought to confront him but none of the people in train compartment spoke anything against him. These must be the people he had won so far with his part religious part bullshit sermon or that they feared him to say a word: who knows what would he say to anyone and no one wanted to get humiliated. What stopped me from doing anything was the realization that I can’t fight him? And he didn’t have anything to lose. So, I didn’t react to whatever he had said despite the fact I wanted to do. Also, I can’t make him understand the effects of secondary smoking. Heck! He didn’t even know what is secondary smoking. So there is no use fighting with him verbally. I got angrier later not at him but at the crowd of getting up for their rights for accepting whatever this uneducated piece of shit had been telling so far. And a crazy idea took birth in my head to buy a pack of beedi and matchbox to light all the beedis in the train compartment to see whether they will wake up or not.

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Rules of Discrimination

They say there is nothing in the name. They are telling lies. The names tell us more than we needed to know. My thesis in social science dealt with collecting the data from people of SC category. There I’ve heard the names I’ve not heard before. It could probably be because of my privileged bringing. Otherwise, how could someone self-respected have name like Khunda (Blunt), Keechada (Muddy), Kala (Dark or Black), Phool (flower), Hazari (the leader of thousand people or soldiers), Rumali (like a handkerchief), Baru (??), Sarbati (like a liquor), Janglia (Wild one), Razo (??) etc? Some of these names were derogatory, others were meaningless and a few of them were surprisingly simpler. When I compared these names with other upper caste people such Prem (Love or affection), Vishnu (Lord Vishnu), Sriram (Bhagwan Ram or King Ram), Pulkit (Glad), Shiva (Lord Shiva), Kanhaiya (one of the names of Krishna), Lakhwant (Something related to money??), Karorimal (Something related to money??), Vidya (Knowledge), Sharmili (Shy one), Kavita (Poem), Shehnai (Clarinet) etc. I felt that somehow the SC people have been told to not call themselves or their newborns with the names reserved for upper castes or worse, the decades of oppression have made them timid enough to call their new-borns with meaningful names.

Can I rename them?

No.

Could I accord some respect to people suffering with their name, without knowing?

I don’t know but when I recorded their name in my notebook, I didn’t forget to put Mr. and Mrs. in front of their names.

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Wounded Odyssey or How to recover from breakups Chapter VI

Chapter VI

Day II

            This was the last thing she had expected. She didn’t know whether she was ready for a relationship. How can she be so confident in saying this prayer aloud in her mind, of course? Is it essential to do so? Didn’t she require the freedom that was pulling her down? Was the definition of her freedom wrong? If love doesn’t make you free, then what’s worth that love is. She read somewhere and thought this saying had no relevance the life reality. She didn’t go in and talk to the barista and read it again like she would read a non-essential news in a newspaper. All day yesterday, she read the content of the butter paper but all she could was to laugh. How come the solution to her problem is this simple? The crumpled butter paper which once held the oatmeal almond cookie made irritating sound when she straightened out the paper. She found herself reading it just before she stepped in the coffee shop.

            “I know he loves me. My mind which makes no mistake tells me so. He must have met many girls but I’m the one he will chose. He is attracted to me. His mind tells him the same thing. The glint in his eyes tells me he is the one. I know that for sure. Deep down I know it is because he is seeking me and I’m seeking him and that’s why we are attracted to each other. I know he will find me one day or I will find him one day.

            She sat on the assigned seat, put on her headphones again, sat upright on the sofa and marveled, half-heartedly at the black wall, like others. All seemed like a sophisticated and manipulative lie. The beat of music reminded her about the old song he used to love. It just occurred to her that maybe, just maybe, she was on right track but the presence of this song in this playlist might just be a fluke. Her mind resisted the trance as it happened to her a day before: she didn’t want to feel like stupid again. The barista appeared with smile and the drink. She picked the coffee cup. A sip of the dirty chai and it was pure bliss. Her thought process changed. Even if nothing happened, there was no harm coming here and drinking dirty chair. The blackness started to absorb her. She felt a darkness wrapped her despite the well lit surrounding. Or was this the trance taking over her. She wasn’t sure.

She exhaled and tried to bring herself out of trance. And that’s when miracle happened. The exhaled fumes hit the wall and a snow white emerged in the pitch black wall. She focused more. Her breathing got bit erratic because of caffeine in the drink. The whiteness grew in circles around a central dot where her breath hit the first.  She teased unorganized thoughts in her head, which had organized themselves in white concentric circles. These thoughts were nothing but the questions she never pursued and thoughts which worried her unnecessarily.

            At first, there were the thoughts like what she had been doing and what she would like to do at this moment of time. Just as an example, at this very moment, though she was busy with her thoughts but she felt like getting out for an ice cream. So, such ice cream thoughts filled the circle just around the dot. She had gone numerous time alone for ice cream but the workers only remembered him. “Only one? You used to get a couple?” One worker asked her twice. She felt like telling them about their breakup but resorted to smile. She didn’t want to accumulate the pity. Since then, the worker gave her the look  but didn’t bother to ask about him for the fear of losing a customer.

             The thoughts which started to took the shape of next circle belonged to expectations she had from her life, parents, family and of course from him. This circle had scattered dots of unmet expectations  interspersed with immense pain. She followed what she was supposed to do and still she had been on losing streak. In the next circle, she faced the thoughts she avoided. Her friends who had not followed the common customs and stayed recluse had now been happily married to guys they met at coffee shops, Saturday market, library book sales, Chinese take-outs, and gas stations.

            She, on the contrary, had met him, where 70% of students of this college town get hooked, in a bar-hopping sessions. How? That’s altogether a different story.

            It wasn’t until she sat on the patio with her colleagues and had ordered some beers. The guy who brought them beer smiled excessively and whispered to her, when she asked for another beer, ‘the girl with big lips and smile to die for.’ Pleased yet taken back by some comment, she didn’t respond to his comments. Her friends asked what he said and she said, “Telling me about which beer has the nutty taste.” Carmine asked, “But how could he know that you liked that kind?” She raised her hands in the expression of I-don’t-know. And then, there was an obvious leg-pulling.

            His words started an inquiry. While doing laundry in the evening, she raked her mind without reaching to a conclusion. In the morning shower, she remembered a broken dream and pieces she tried to put together as she shampooed her hairs. She had heard this dialogues for sure. She stopped shampooing her hairs and stood still. But where? The voice inside of her followed her in the dream, in the dark alleys, in the sunlit pastures, empty basketball grounds, crowded library halls, and fitness sessions. She sat under the shower and let the water drops pinch her body in pleasurable sensation like needle therapy and went to all the places where she had gone last week, last month, and last six months. She even thought of going back further but she realized that no one would wait this much for her because she wouldn’t wait this much for anyone.

to be continued…

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Wounded Odyssey or How to recover from breakups Chapter V

Chapter V

 

            Even before Kelly could say anything, the barista said, ” Sorry about that. Common symptoms of de-addiction therapy. Where were we?”

            “Do I have to pay you for the drink?”

            “If you recover from your pain, only then and only if you are willing, we appreciate the tips.”

            The barista calculated the amount of caffeine using the formula taking into account the birth sign, the type of the pain, intensity of pain, her relationship status, her vital stats and her allergies. Still seeing her standing in front of her, he asked, “Any other question?”

            “Will I get a cookie?” She couldn’t resist the temptation of asking her.

            “Definitely!”

            “I love cookies.”         

            “But remember to say your prayer.”

            “What prayer? I am an atheist.”                                                                                                          

            “No worries. It’s a secular prayer.”

            “Okay.” She eyed him suspiciously.

            “Please I want you to take your seat. A minimum of ten minute relaxation time is mandatory before the drink.”

            She nodded and turned. She headed to the seat no. 11. As she walked to her seat, she glanced over the scattered worst-case-scenario coupons lying on the floor. Carmine had told her that this was the first thing people pick up the moment they walk in the coffee shop, as the coupons could provide a free coffee. The small metal replicas of gods has scattered on the floor as well. A big cardboard with GOD FOR SALE lay next to them on the floor. Whether GOD can be bought or not? And these were definitely foreign gods: she hadn’t seen them around much. Maybe the GODS are moving into a newer territory. She was doubtful about this foreign GOD business as her own GOD didn’t help her when needed, then how come these foreign GODS would be of a help. Not much had changed in the behavior of meditating people though couple of them left since she arrived. This place started to grow on her. Everyone seemed at peace and even though who wasn’t at peace, did look calm and relaxed. Against her expectations, she realized that this place was worth a try.

            As she reached to the seat no. 11, she dropped her carry bag on the table and eased on the black sofa. She put on the headphones, looked up and focused the blackness in front. She rested her head on the shoulder of the sofa. The music drifted her into sleep. In her trance, she heard someone, actually him, asking him to get up.

            “Ace, Don’t please let me sleep.” She brushed him aside with her hand, in half sleep.

            A word ‘Chai’ reached her ears.

            “I don’t want that.” She protested, like a child.

            “Dirty Chai.” The words reverberated in his ears, as is someone had pumped too much air into them, suddenly.

            “I said no.” She got up.

            He wasn’t Ace. She opened her eyes, “What?” She felt stupid. She turned to look at other people thinking what would barista would be thinking about her. She blushed in humiliation, lowered her head and licked her lips. With a smile, she said, “Sorry!” What else she could have done?

            “It’s alright.”

            There was a silence. She felt that she had not been completely forgiven. Sensing that, the barista added, “I guess you must haven’t relaxed in a long time.”

            Her face loosened up. He added, “Dirty Chai. Your drink.” He passed the gold cup with a silver sleeve.

            “Thanks.” She said.

            The barista left to the toppled table and started cleaning the mess created by the white guys, sometime ago. She wanted to ask him what does he meant by ‘Dirty Chai’ but discarded the idea as the smell of the coffee hit her nose. The sleeve around the coffee cup was loose. It moved around as she pulled the coffee cup closer. When she closely examined the silver sleep, she found what she was looking for.

            Dirty Chai TM  

            Espresso (One shot) – One ounce

            Chai (concentrate) – One ounce

            Mile (Whole)- to make 12 ounces

 

            After ten minutes, she got fidgety. The music in her ears sounded nonsense. She tried to rhythmically tapped the table with her fingers but she was only able to exhale the breath forcefully, in her defeat. Just like some of them in the coffee shop, she stared at the black wall and she expected that peace will dawn on her instantly. It didn’t happen. One moment she thought about meditating and the next moment she pondered what should she meditate over. Every time she tried thinking about one specific thing, other thing came to her mind. And before she could channelize her thoughts in one single direction, something else popped in her head. This something else was related to other thoughts, which she had forgotten but her brain kept them alive by mental associations. She thought of thinking good optimistic thought. Soon this exercise turned out to be futile. Her love, anger, regret, guilt and joy were all interlinked. And unless she could exorcise her demons, the they would haunt her and continue to make her helpless. She felt so impotent that she had this vomiting reflex set up in her, like whenever she went to hills by a bus trip. Also this thinking had left her with no time to think about the things that she really wanted to think. She wanted to pull out her hairs but only ended up uprooting her headphones, which she had forgotten she had on and then into her hairs. Her thinking, she had realized, had become messy just like her hairs. For a flip second, she thought to get up, throw everything, and storm out. But that would have been easy. Then, she got up and headed to the barista. Before she could say and tell him about her decision, he said, “I know it must be really tough on you. So much you have gone through and still you had to face again for your recovery. Trust me if there would be a way, I would have done the same. But hardest path is actually the best path of recovery.”

            She stared him.

            “I know you must feel like quitting. But you should turn and look at every one of them, they all, everyone in the coffee shop, at one time for another, felt weak at their knees. They felt like quitting but they didn’t. I don’t know whether they had made a progress that you should ask them. This is all what I wanted to tell you. Decision of coming again or not is entirely yours. Thank you for trusting us.”

            “Thank you.” She said, as she turned.

            “Excuse me.”She had been called.

            Couple of steps toward the doors, she stopped.

            She looked over her shoulder.

            “You forgot your wish.” He raised his hand over the order screen.

            Inquisitive, she turned.

            “What’s that?”

            “Your oatmeal cookie. Here!” He placed the cookie, wrapped in butter paper, in her palm.

            “Thanks.”

            “Just don’t forget your prayer.”

            She eyed his suspiciously. He closed his eyes, in response, to comfort her. When the flustered look did not leave her face, he said, “Answer lies in the butter paper.”

 

to be continued…

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Wounded Odyssey or How to recover from breakups Chapter IV

        Chapter IV

 

            “Please.”

            “Wish I could have helped you.”

            “You asshole. You don’t want to see me recovered.”

            “Abuses won’t do you any favor.”

            The guy pointed his finger at her. “You just want regular customers right? Who won’t speak anything about your atrocities. But I’m not like them.”

            “I request you to either leave or calm down.”

            “What if I don’t do anything you say?” He shook the coffee cup at him, jeering him.

            “Sad. Then, I will have to call the cop on you.”

            “Sure. Do that. I myself was thinking of calling cops on you. First, you addict us with unexplained hallucinatory drugs in the coffee and playing with our lives by your hidden rules of pain calculation.” The guy leaned forward on the screen, to stress his point.

            “That’s what you think about us.” The barista retreated back.

            “Why wouldn’t I think like that? I have rights.” The guy yelled at him, continuously probing.

            “If you feel we have violated your right, you may chose to call the cops.”

            “I’ll call for sure.”

            “Please. Go ahead.”

            “And then…I will sue in town, no, in a state court.”

            “Anytime.” The barista stared at him defiantly.

            “Please please give me half a shot or a quarter shot of espresso.” He shifted his weight, leaning forward with his urge and then he retreated back. He did that couple of times.

            “Not an ounce, sir.” The barista remained steadfast, against his demand.

            He threw the mug at the barista, who ducked barely to save himself. One can’t be sure what incited such an anger in him: the answer or the barista. She saw this from very close. She gasped. He yelled, stretching his body over the screen, to get a hold of the barista. He was thrown back on the wooden floor with electric short circuit. Though at first there wasn’t any visible wire but it appeared as soon as the guy stretched himself over the screen into the barista’s territory. The barista must have activated the wire in case of danger. As he regained some sense, he got up, pressed his head as if to relieve some headache.

            Then, he went over to the screen again and said, “Fuck you and your espresso.” He punched the order screen, breaking it and bleeding his knuckles. He turned to reach the common table, kicked the table, toppling whatever items had been left there: pamphlets, stickers, coupons, and small replicas of gods/goddesses. She didn’t even look at them. He went over the coffee shop customers one by one and asked them:” Did you get cured of your depression?” “Did you get over her?” “Didn’t she ask you alimony?” “You still look like a shithead.” Best way to fight aggression is with silence. It seemed that they have mastered the technique.

            When no one bothered, the guy turned back to the counter, to the barista. He spat on the broken screen, on the barista and all around him. She retreated a little.

            “Fuck you. I’m done with you. I leave you with your selected morons.”

            But it was a late decision on his part. The light on the glass doors started flashing in myriad colors, partly red, blue, yellow and their combinations. In no time, inside of the coffee shop glowed and was more pronounced wherever the lights fell over the reflective surfaces. A characteristic sound filled the coffee up. He turned. The blue, yellow and red light flashed in front of him, almost blinding him momentarily. Seeing the cops, he ran toward the back doors but a couple of cops walked in from that door as well. He hyperventilated and ran back and forth.

            “You prick. You called the cops on me for an espresso. I’ll see you. You don’t know who am I?” He said. Then, he added, pointing a finger at her, “You will regret this. I know the mayor.”

            The cop asked him to get down on his knees. He started bending down his knees. As soon as the cop came closer, he released his fist at the cop, knocking the cop. Before he could try this trick again, a cop from behind gave him a good tight kick. He fell forward and splayed on the ground.  The cops came over him, grabbed him tightly, handcuffed him, and pulled him up.

            “I’ll sue you…” He blabbered as he was taken away, pointing the finger at the barista.

 

to be continued…

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Wounded Odyssey or How to recover from breakups Chapter III

Chapter III

She crossed and uncrossed her legs, looked up at the black roof and down at yellow floor, on left to scan at the second entry point of the coffee shop and on right to eye the washrooms. She picked up her carry bag, got up, and hung it on her left shoulder. She stared in front only to find the barista looking at her, with pleasant expression. He wore gold rimmed eyeglasses and greeted her with smile. She smiled with reservations, as she would have to any unknown person. He asked her, “Hi there.”

            Confused, as she hadn’t made up her mind, she remained rooted there. How should she proceed here? She pondered. How she wished this to be a normal coffee shop? She would stomp next to counter, yell her order, gave her VISA card, move out of queue to wait on her drink and check her phone till a voice would call her, “Kelly, your double shot caramel macchiato with skim milk.” Swiping the dresses or her news feed up and down in her cellphone, she would pick up her drink and storm out of the coffee shop. Seeing her immobile, the barista waited for her to make move. At last, she zigzagged her way to the coffee counter, trying to make up her mind and at the same time trying not to look weird. To her surprise, the barista had hold onto his pleasant expression, “Hey there! How can I help you?”

.           “I-don’t-know.” How hard she tried to hide this but she found her heart naked?  She stood facing the glass order screen and the barista.

            “Okay, but you have to tell me what type of I-don’t-know. Depending upon your pain, I-don’t-know can be of multiple type. Different types of I-don’t-know require different treatment and we don’t want to treat you harshly. Here, have a look at this chart and match your I-don’t-know with your pain.”

            “How?”

            “There is a formula on the top of the chart to calculate the pain.”

            Pain = (Hope.Optimism)/(Anxiety.Loss).Physical agony. Confusion. Procrastination status.         Loneliness

            Beneath the formula, there was a table where the numerical number of pain calculation is compared with I-don’t-know. She knew that even if someone gives her a piece of paper it would be really tough to come up with a no as it wasn’t so easy to come up with precise number for different factors in the equation. In addition, she didn’t have any hope left in her and in humanity, in general. Thus, she put low numbers for different factors as she tried to mentally calculate the equation and she got disheartened from the results. Then, she dismissed the idea of asking a piece of paper.

            “I’m really bad at math.” She looked at the barista.

            “Aren’t we all?” He smiled and tapped the screen on his side. The order screen in front of her came alive and the calculator icon rhythmically bobbed on the screen. The barista added, “Please use the calculator.”

            “Oh! Okay.” She plugged in the numbers in the different factors in the formula. She did the calculations and wondered whether she had actually used all the values correctly or whether she had been hiding her true feeling, even though the barista had left momentarily. She pondered. But the barista was like a doctor in this scenario and one shouldn’t hide anything from a doctor. She looked for the barista. In her search, her eyes didn’t find him but her nose got the smell of fresh chocolate chips cookies.

            “Hello?” She had to call for him.

            “Just a minute.” The voice appeared even before he stepped out the kitchen. He peeled off his gloves, put them in his pockets and asked, with a smile, “Are you ready?”

            “I guess.”

            “What did you get in the pain calculation?”

            “Is 7 a bad number?”

            “I’m sorry. I can’t decide that for you. You can take more time.” He turned away from the screen.

            “No. Actually, I’ll go with 7.”

            “Are you sure?”

            “Yeah, kind of.”

            “Great. May I get your birth sign?”

            “What’s that for?”

            “I need that to calculate the proper amount of caffeine for your drink.”

            She passed her identity card to him. After checking her date of birth, he returned her card, with a smile. Then, he asked her to fill in her physical stats, childhood memories, family history, allergies, and her relationship status into the order screen. Then, he asked for last finger of her right hand.

            “What’s that for?”

            “To confirm your DNA authenticity as we have a big problem of doppelganger. In addition, a research group we are associated with want to know how the caffeine affect you genetically.”

            She stretched her hand and he signaled out the finger. He pricked, she squirmed, and he collected few drops on the tip of a pen like machine.

            “Did it hurt?.”

            “Yes, it did but that’s okay.”

            The way the twinkle appeared in his eyes, she felt that she had seen him before but she couldn’t come to a conclusion. It’s such a small town, she concluded.

            “You can go and make yourself comfortable at seat no. 11. Please put one headphones. We will play the curated soundtrack for you. After 10 minutes of musical conditioning, I will bring your drink.”

            “Sure. How much do I need to pay?” She unzipped her carry bag to pull out her wallet, out of habit. The moment she asked the question, she knew why did she bother to ask this question.

            “Nothing…” The barista asked.

            “An espresso shot, please!”

            The barista was interrupted. A hand with an empty coffee cup was stretched over her head. A voice boomed over her head. A big white guy with red cheeks and beady dark eyes in his baggy jeans and checkered shirt stood behind her. He was shaking. Everything about him was actually shaking: she couldn’t come up with a reason that whether this was excitement or addiction or something else. She turned and stood on her left. He took her place and came face to face with the barista and the order screen.

            “Hey man, give me another espresso shot. I’m this close to cracking the puzzle of my divorce.” With his left hand, he gestured with the space between the thumb and the finger.

            “I am sorry you have the full quota of your dose today.”

 

to be continued…

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Wounded Odyssey or How to recover from breakups Chapter II

Chapter II

            So often she had been dumped or she had broken up with people that her memory was hazy about the encounter except him, maybe because he was the last. After that day, she had resolved to not fall for anyone however intelligent, witty or good looking the person maybe. She knew she had hard time keeping the resolution but she did nonetheless. So many different worlds she travelled in her love. She had fragmented memories of her visiting a coffee shop when she was a tea-drinking class citizen in love with a coffee-drinking class boy *1or she got addicted to flavored yoghurt as she fought hard to recover from addiction of her lover*2 or she as Reality fought tooth and nails her lover or ideal, Dream-man who once professed his love for her*3 or she had been an oatmeal cookie who had been nibbled often*4 or many such live she had lived*5. These fragments made her bleed and nothing stayed except pain. Carmine, on the contrary said, said, “It’s your problem. You have only remembered pain. All love affairs or relationships, however manufactured and manipulative they have been, are a store house of varied emotions.”  Her words only forced loneliness in her. She believed that all the humanity was against her and it was better to be alone. She would often yell at Carmine and barge out of her apartment.

            “Look up and around you. See the blackness of wall and roof.”

            “Yep.” She looked around.

            “Do you see white circles?”

            She focused intently on the walls but failed to see anything apart from blackness.

            “Do you?”

            “You will see them.”

            “How?”

            “This blackness has the supernatural powers to suck up all the negative and haunting thoughts that had stuck obstinately in your head.”

            She stared at Carmine before saying, “You want me to believe all this.”

            The coffee beans had been grounded again and had been put in the coffee brewer. The steam came out and wafted over the counter. It floated a little while like a white hazy cloud in the coffee shop before disappearing. Though the cloud had disappeared but the smell travelled invisibly and mysteriously to them, instilling in their thoughts a priming desire to get the dose of caffeine. 

            At that very moment, she salivated and licked her lips. She would want to sip her coffee and get out of this place, where she started to feel cloistered. She knew she needed a full cup of joe to turn her into robotic version of herself. She can’t get thing done and at times she felt that she can’t think straight without the caffeine.

            “But how does it work?” She asked, just to continue the conversation.

            “You go and talk to barista.”

            “Really? But how will that help me?”

            “I don’t know.” Carmine said to her and then added. “You never have told any of us. But you better know what’s wrong with you: your childhood, breakups, relationships with family members or some existential or metaphysical matter like how fucked up the world had become, where no one gives shit about you or fellow humans or god knows what.”

            Carmine took a deep breath and whispered. “Also, this place has connection with someone supernatural also known as GOD who is supposed to treat any possible anomaly, you may have. And one look at you, anyone can tell you that you have at least one of them, if not many.”

            She look at Carmine. For a moment, she felt perplexed, then unconcerned or then a mixed emotion took over her. Carmine waited for her to say something.

            “You are kidding.”

            “No, I am not.” Carmine resisted.

            “Not only you sound unscientific but ludicrous too.”

            “I maybe. But a barista, whom I had dated, used to work here, told me all this.”

            “And you believed all that.” She reasoned.

            Carmine stared at her. She continued.

            “Even if I agree with what you say, tell me how and why will GOD help me out?”    

            Carmine stared.

            “And how GOD will help me via this coffee shop?”

             “In return to His help, I have been told, GOD will acquire the first hand rights of haunting thoughts attracted by the black walls of this coffee shop. He had realized that his stock of haunting thoughts don’t challenge the new generation properly. And without the proper challenging how can He expects us to be wise humans.”

            “You mean to say that GOD is lazy.”

            “He is crazy busy with many things, apart from creating a breed of humans which aren’t swayed by mob mentality, so instead of writing the algorithms for novel haunting thoughts, He buys them from places where people come to get rid of them, like coffee shops, bars, and even to little extent from libraries. Where else will He find better and already tested haunting thoughts?”

            “Preposterous! I don’t believe a single word you are saying. Let’s go.” She was ready to get up but stayed when she saw no response from Carmine.

            “That’s okay. I didn’t believe these words until my boyfriend dumped me and left for a job in the city. In hope of finding him here, I often visited this place but no he never returned. Over time, I realized that I felt better whenever I visited this place.”

            “How?”

            “I don’t know. Before we go, let’s get free coffee.”

            “What?”

            “Yes. It won’t cost you a single penny to get coffee here.”

            “How can a local coffee shop afford to sell coffee free of cost without going out of the business?”

            “I wanted to ask this question from you.” Carmine seemed impressed.

            “The place maybe supported by some non-profit organization.”

            “Maybe! Can you explain gold pleated gates, gold coffee cups, gold lined grinder and brewer, and barista wearing gold bracelets etc. And the rent of this place, as it is in the heart of the city, you know what I am talking.”

            “What do you mean?”

            “That it all link back to GOD. Nothing else.”

            “Still…I don’t believe you. But if you want to give me a try, I’ll do.”

            “Great.” Carmine got up, went down and whispered to her, “If possible ask for a cookie with you dose of caffeine, it’s just pure bliss.”

            “Stay here. Don’t leave me alone.” She whispered back.        

            “You are on your own from here on, babe.” Carmine replied, as she turned to the doors.

 

*1 to 5 will be made available soon.

To be continued…

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Wounded Odyssey or How to recover from breakups Chapter I

Wounded Odyssey

or

How to recover from breakups

 

The unexamined cup is not worth drinking. – Kristopher G. Phillips, Coffee -Philosophy for everyone

Chapter I

            Nothing mattered. How could it matter anymore? She was nothing without Ace. Kelly had pondered, biting the nails, fidgeting unnecessarily, and getting adrenalized at expectation of her cellphone could vibrate at any time. She hadn’t missed a call in  a long time. And it wasn’t him. It was her. It was her resolution to stay away from him. She could handle insomnia but how could her dreams turning into nightmares. In her disturbed sleep, she had heard the prophecy numerous time, in a headless voice that she is going to die. The way words came to haunt her in the broad daylight she felt that nightmare was forcing her to commit suicide. She had become so paranoid that she thrashed her friends who came to meet her.

“Why do you think I need your help? You sicko, who hadn’t done a thing worth remembering in your life, need help, not I?” She said to Carmine, when she asked about the help. Her entire body shook in anger. Carmine came forward from her groups of friends and hugged her. She pushed her at first and resisted her hug.

“Help? I know you are taking pity on me. I don’t want that.”

“No we love you.” Carmine hugged her.

She sobbed and couldn’t hold back her tears. She was inconsolable that night. The liquor, which should have calmed her down, on the contrary, made her angrier. She did two things that night: she drank and she yelled at things: real and imaginary.

It was headache which woke her up next day. She walked into the living room. Carmine sat on the couch in the living room, poring over the comic book that Ace had bought for her. She had told him multiple times that she didn’t like books masquerading as movies and for the life of her, she can’t take superheroes problems and mental angst seriously. But her arrival didn’t break Carmine concentration. Seeing Carmine flipping the glossy pages of the comic book, a little envy took over her, sending that there must be something in the books, heck they would be at least interesting, if a person like Carmine was reading words written in and out of word balloons. She coughed to mark her arrival.

            “Hey babe, you up. Freshen up. We need to go somewhere.” Holding the book in her left hand, she felt backward on the couch and kept the comic book over her breasts.

            “Where?” She leaned against the kitchen counter.

            “Where you should be?”

            “And where that would be?”

            “You just get ready.”

            “Don’t you have work to do in the lab?” She reminded her the curse of graduate students.

            “I only have couple of hours of work. Plus, it’s Saturday.”

            Carmine shooed her away and picked up the comic, returned to her sitting posture and continued from where she had left.

            Carmine drove her through the busiest road, bustling with people, in their shorts, with their kids in strollers, heading for the community park. As she lowered the window, the fresh breeze hit her warm face and she got goosebumps all over her body. Happiness jolted through her body for no specific reason. It made her to think in order to be happy she should get up early. The college students with black goggles and messy hairs leisurely crossed the pedestrian sign. People walked alone lost in thoughts or conversations, kids run around the tiny stone animals in the park, and dog dug in the dirt, next to the sidewalk. Carmine pulled up in a parking spot, undid the belt, and looked at her.

“Come out you princess.”

Carmine stood out with her hand on her hips, with key chain jangling in one of her fingers.

She tried to rake her mind when was the last time she had heard someone telling her a princess. She looked at Carmine, smiled and stepped out of the car. She wanted to say thank you but stopped sort to express her feelings for the fear that it might make her feel more vulnerable.  

Carmine pressed the key in her hand and the alarm in the car beeped. Carmine took couple of steps, stretched her hands to pull the doors of a coffee shop.

“Why the coffee shop?” She asked her as she followed Carmine inside.

The smell of coffee grounds and artificial flavors hit their noses. The barista raised her head from the counter for a moment to acknowledge their presence. Otherwise silence pervaded in the coffee shop. Everyone was occupied. People sat there unmoved, almost in meditation. Some poured over newspapers with their specks right at tip of their noses while others scribbled on A4 size papers. Some sat facing the black wall with headphones on their heads like DJs while others looked up, with their hearing ads on the table in front them. Some had their pens on ears while others scratched back of their heads with the tip of their pens. Everyone behaved disciplined, like kids in kindergarten.

Carmine pulled a chair and asked her to sit in the seat marked, ‘New customers only.’ She pulled out another chair and sat in front of her.

            “I read somewhere that caffeine increases your pain threshold.” Carmine reasoned.

            “Look at these red patches.” She showed her arm to Carmine. Carmine carefully examined her arm and gave her a puzzled look.

            “Allergy?”

            “I don’t know.” She was unsure whether it was because of caffeine. She was also not very sure how to read Carmine behavior. She looked at Carmine: she had not behaved like this before. Why was she concerned about her suddenly? She took her eyes off of Carmine’s penetrating gaze and breathed deep. Another thought kicked in her brain. Or Carmine was always like that but she hadn’t noticed that. Whatever was that, she couldn’t remain unimpressed by her concern.

            “What’s so special about this coffee shop? We could have had coffee at home.” She tried to change her mental thought by asking the question.

            “It’s not about caffeine only. It’s about from where you get the daily dose of caffeine.” Carmine whispered.

            “Why did you bring me here?”

            “I’m your friend. I just want to help. If you don’t like it here, we can always leave.”

            “So you want me to get rid of my resolution. Don’t you?” She looked back at Carmine.

            Carmine stared at her.

            “Without even knowing what is my resolution.”

            “I don’t want to know. That’s your decision.”

            Her lips opened up in a smile and she asked, “Do all these people are…?” Before she could articulate the sentence, Carmine confirmed her doubts, “Yes. They are being helped.”

 

To be continued…

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