Wounded Odyssey or How to recover from breakups Chapter II

Chapter II

            So often she had been dumped or she had broken up with people that her memory was hazy about the encounter except him, maybe because he was the last. After that day, she had resolved to not fall for anyone however intelligent, witty or good looking the person maybe. She knew she had hard time keeping the resolution but she did nonetheless. So many different worlds she travelled in her love. She had fragmented memories of her visiting a coffee shop when she was a tea-drinking class citizen in love with a coffee-drinking class boy *1or she got addicted to flavored yoghurt as she fought hard to recover from addiction of her lover*2 or she as Reality fought tooth and nails her lover or ideal, Dream-man who once professed his love for her*3 or she had been an oatmeal cookie who had been nibbled often*4 or many such live she had lived*5. These fragments made her bleed and nothing stayed except pain. Carmine, on the contrary said, said, “It’s your problem. You have only remembered pain. All love affairs or relationships, however manufactured and manipulative they have been, are a store house of varied emotions.”  Her words only forced loneliness in her. She believed that all the humanity was against her and it was better to be alone. She would often yell at Carmine and barge out of her apartment.

            “Look up and around you. See the blackness of wall and roof.”

            “Yep.” She looked around.

            “Do you see white circles?”

            She focused intently on the walls but failed to see anything apart from blackness.

            “Do you?”

            “You will see them.”

            “How?”

            “This blackness has the supernatural powers to suck up all the negative and haunting thoughts that had stuck obstinately in your head.”

            She stared at Carmine before saying, “You want me to believe all this.”

            The coffee beans had been grounded again and had been put in the coffee brewer. The steam came out and wafted over the counter. It floated a little while like a white hazy cloud in the coffee shop before disappearing. Though the cloud had disappeared but the smell travelled invisibly and mysteriously to them, instilling in their thoughts a priming desire to get the dose of caffeine. 

            At that very moment, she salivated and licked her lips. She would want to sip her coffee and get out of this place, where she started to feel cloistered. She knew she needed a full cup of joe to turn her into robotic version of herself. She can’t get thing done and at times she felt that she can’t think straight without the caffeine.

            “But how does it work?” She asked, just to continue the conversation.

            “You go and talk to barista.”

            “Really? But how will that help me?”

            “I don’t know.” Carmine said to her and then added. “You never have told any of us. But you better know what’s wrong with you: your childhood, breakups, relationships with family members or some existential or metaphysical matter like how fucked up the world had become, where no one gives shit about you or fellow humans or god knows what.”

            Carmine took a deep breath and whispered. “Also, this place has connection with someone supernatural also known as GOD who is supposed to treat any possible anomaly, you may have. And one look at you, anyone can tell you that you have at least one of them, if not many.”

            She look at Carmine. For a moment, she felt perplexed, then unconcerned or then a mixed emotion took over her. Carmine waited for her to say something.

            “You are kidding.”

            “No, I am not.” Carmine resisted.

            “Not only you sound unscientific but ludicrous too.”

            “I maybe. But a barista, whom I had dated, used to work here, told me all this.”

            “And you believed all that.” She reasoned.

            Carmine stared at her. She continued.

            “Even if I agree with what you say, tell me how and why will GOD help me out?”    

            Carmine stared.

            “And how GOD will help me via this coffee shop?”

             “In return to His help, I have been told, GOD will acquire the first hand rights of haunting thoughts attracted by the black walls of this coffee shop. He had realized that his stock of haunting thoughts don’t challenge the new generation properly. And without the proper challenging how can He expects us to be wise humans.”

            “You mean to say that GOD is lazy.”

            “He is crazy busy with many things, apart from creating a breed of humans which aren’t swayed by mob mentality, so instead of writing the algorithms for novel haunting thoughts, He buys them from places where people come to get rid of them, like coffee shops, bars, and even to little extent from libraries. Where else will He find better and already tested haunting thoughts?”

            “Preposterous! I don’t believe a single word you are saying. Let’s go.” She was ready to get up but stayed when she saw no response from Carmine.

            “That’s okay. I didn’t believe these words until my boyfriend dumped me and left for a job in the city. In hope of finding him here, I often visited this place but no he never returned. Over time, I realized that I felt better whenever I visited this place.”

            “How?”

            “I don’t know. Before we go, let’s get free coffee.”

            “What?”

            “Yes. It won’t cost you a single penny to get coffee here.”

            “How can a local coffee shop afford to sell coffee free of cost without going out of the business?”

            “I wanted to ask this question from you.” Carmine seemed impressed.

            “The place maybe supported by some non-profit organization.”

            “Maybe! Can you explain gold pleated gates, gold coffee cups, gold lined grinder and brewer, and barista wearing gold bracelets etc. And the rent of this place, as it is in the heart of the city, you know what I am talking.”

            “What do you mean?”

            “That it all link back to GOD. Nothing else.”

            “Still…I don’t believe you. But if you want to give me a try, I’ll do.”

            “Great.” Carmine got up, went down and whispered to her, “If possible ask for a cookie with you dose of caffeine, it’s just pure bliss.”

            “Stay here. Don’t leave me alone.” She whispered back.        

            “You are on your own from here on, babe.” Carmine replied, as she turned to the doors.

 

*1 to 5 will be made available soon.

To be continued…

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Wounded Odyssey or How to recover from breakups Chapter I

Wounded Odyssey

or

How to recover from breakups

 

The unexamined cup is not worth drinking. – Kristopher G. Phillips, Coffee -Philosophy for everyone

Chapter I

            Nothing mattered. How could it matter anymore? She was nothing without Ace. Kelly had pondered, biting the nails, fidgeting unnecessarily, and getting adrenalized at expectation of her cellphone could vibrate at any time. She hadn’t missed a call in  a long time. And it wasn’t him. It was her. It was her resolution to stay away from him. She could handle insomnia but how could her dreams turning into nightmares. In her disturbed sleep, she had heard the prophecy numerous time, in a headless voice that she is going to die. The way words came to haunt her in the broad daylight she felt that nightmare was forcing her to commit suicide. She had become so paranoid that she thrashed her friends who came to meet her.

“Why do you think I need your help? You sicko, who hadn’t done a thing worth remembering in your life, need help, not I?” She said to Carmine, when she asked about the help. Her entire body shook in anger. Carmine came forward from her groups of friends and hugged her. She pushed her at first and resisted her hug.

“Help? I know you are taking pity on me. I don’t want that.”

“No we love you.” Carmine hugged her.

She sobbed and couldn’t hold back her tears. She was inconsolable that night. The liquor, which should have calmed her down, on the contrary, made her angrier. She did two things that night: she drank and she yelled at things: real and imaginary.

It was headache which woke her up next day. She walked into the living room. Carmine sat on the couch in the living room, poring over the comic book that Ace had bought for her. She had told him multiple times that she didn’t like books masquerading as movies and for the life of her, she can’t take superheroes problems and mental angst seriously. But her arrival didn’t break Carmine concentration. Seeing Carmine flipping the glossy pages of the comic book, a little envy took over her, sending that there must be something in the books, heck they would be at least interesting, if a person like Carmine was reading words written in and out of word balloons. She coughed to mark her arrival.

            “Hey babe, you up. Freshen up. We need to go somewhere.” Holding the book in her left hand, she felt backward on the couch and kept the comic book over her breasts.

            “Where?” She leaned against the kitchen counter.

            “Where you should be?”

            “And where that would be?”

            “You just get ready.”

            “Don’t you have work to do in the lab?” She reminded her the curse of graduate students.

            “I only have couple of hours of work. Plus, it’s Saturday.”

            Carmine shooed her away and picked up the comic, returned to her sitting posture and continued from where she had left.

            Carmine drove her through the busiest road, bustling with people, in their shorts, with their kids in strollers, heading for the community park. As she lowered the window, the fresh breeze hit her warm face and she got goosebumps all over her body. Happiness jolted through her body for no specific reason. It made her to think in order to be happy she should get up early. The college students with black goggles and messy hairs leisurely crossed the pedestrian sign. People walked alone lost in thoughts or conversations, kids run around the tiny stone animals in the park, and dog dug in the dirt, next to the sidewalk. Carmine pulled up in a parking spot, undid the belt, and looked at her.

“Come out you princess.”

Carmine stood out with her hand on her hips, with key chain jangling in one of her fingers.

She tried to rake her mind when was the last time she had heard someone telling her a princess. She looked at Carmine, smiled and stepped out of the car. She wanted to say thank you but stopped sort to express her feelings for the fear that it might make her feel more vulnerable.  

Carmine pressed the key in her hand and the alarm in the car beeped. Carmine took couple of steps, stretched her hands to pull the doors of a coffee shop.

“Why the coffee shop?” She asked her as she followed Carmine inside.

The smell of coffee grounds and artificial flavors hit their noses. The barista raised her head from the counter for a moment to acknowledge their presence. Otherwise silence pervaded in the coffee shop. Everyone was occupied. People sat there unmoved, almost in meditation. Some poured over newspapers with their specks right at tip of their noses while others scribbled on A4 size papers. Some sat facing the black wall with headphones on their heads like DJs while others looked up, with their hearing ads on the table in front them. Some had their pens on ears while others scratched back of their heads with the tip of their pens. Everyone behaved disciplined, like kids in kindergarten.

Carmine pulled a chair and asked her to sit in the seat marked, ‘New customers only.’ She pulled out another chair and sat in front of her.

            “I read somewhere that caffeine increases your pain threshold.” Carmine reasoned.

            “Look at these red patches.” She showed her arm to Carmine. Carmine carefully examined her arm and gave her a puzzled look.

            “Allergy?”

            “I don’t know.” She was unsure whether it was because of caffeine. She was also not very sure how to read Carmine behavior. She looked at Carmine: she had not behaved like this before. Why was she concerned about her suddenly? She took her eyes off of Carmine’s penetrating gaze and breathed deep. Another thought kicked in her brain. Or Carmine was always like that but she hadn’t noticed that. Whatever was that, she couldn’t remain unimpressed by her concern.

            “What’s so special about this coffee shop? We could have had coffee at home.” She tried to change her mental thought by asking the question.

            “It’s not about caffeine only. It’s about from where you get the daily dose of caffeine.” Carmine whispered.

            “Why did you bring me here?”

            “I’m your friend. I just want to help. If you don’t like it here, we can always leave.”

            “So you want me to get rid of my resolution. Don’t you?” She looked back at Carmine.

            Carmine stared at her.

            “Without even knowing what is my resolution.”

            “I don’t want to know. That’s your decision.”

            Her lips opened up in a smile and she asked, “Do all these people are…?” Before she could articulate the sentence, Carmine confirmed her doubts, “Yes. They are being helped.”

 

To be continued…

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You Walked In Without Knocking

 

She had gone insensitive. Why was she doing it? She wasn’t like that in reality. Or was she? How come I didn’t know this before? Should I feel better that at least I have known this before committing something serious? A two year long relationship was equally serious. At least for me. Even a single comment of mine on her pics instigated her, she removed the pic as soon as I commented. She would often make indirect comments on her profile. I hated all those quotations who directly and indirectly mean ‘leave a person’ if he isn’t a part of life you had visualized. Come on, how can you be so confident to visualize when you are young and even if you can visualize: how can you be sure? There were so many great pic, where she had gone on trips with her new friends. I don’ t know it was her or the places she had been to, she looked magical. I didn’t comment for I want to see those pictures over and over.

One day this strange urge took over me, I can’t fathom whether it was purely sexual or out of loneliness, I messaged her: she was online. I stared at the laptop all evening but I got a reply by morning which was ‘Hi.’

It was not working for me. Either I think about her or I try not to think about her. Whatever she said online, she seemed to be blaming me about the mistake. Her friend was there in our room. It was her last exam in the evening and she had called her friend for a big party. Only, I didn’t have the exam. We, me and her friend, had full day to kill and we had different types of liquor. She had gone to study in a cafe. She returned with vodka bottle, which she had hit my with. That mark remind of me more of her than of the incident because the incident I had forgotten. I didn’t have memory of the pleasurable escapade I had with her friend. I know drinking is an excuse but why didn’t she un-friend her friend, after the incident. Why only me?

I saw that friend of her, I don’t want name her, with a guy, who had been impatiently following you for the last semester. Didn’t you see a connection between her and him? Didn’t you think she had planned this and you simply allowed her the opportunity? It’s not that I am avoiding the blame. I accept the mistake but had you thought for a flip second before throwing the bottle at me. I know it’s hard to process the emotions reasonably but it had been over two months. Am I only worth a single mistake? If it so, how about when you came on Sunday morning, totally wasted, with your heels in your hand and you had told me that I had been to ‘this friend’ house.

All night I had called all of your friends, especially her.

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