She had gone insensitive. Why was she doing it? She wasn’t like that in reality. Or was she? How come I didn’t know this before? Should I feel better that at least I have known this before committing something serious? A two year long relationship was equally serious. At least for me. Even a single comment of mine on her pics instigated her, she removed the pic as soon as I commented. She would often make indirect comments on her profile. I hated all those quotations who directly and indirectly mean ‘leave a person’ if he isn’t a part of life you had visualized. Come on, how can you be so confident to visualize when you are young and even if you can visualize: how can you be sure? There were so many great pic, where she had gone on trips with her new friends. I don’ t know it was her or the places she had been to, she looked magical. I didn’t comment for I want to see those pictures over and over.
One day this strange urge took over me, I can’t fathom whether it was purely sexual or out of loneliness, I messaged her: she was online. I stared at the laptop all evening but I got a reply by morning which was ‘Hi.’
It was not working for me. Either I think about her or I try not to think about her. Whatever she said online, she seemed to be blaming me about the mistake. Her friend was there in our room. It was her last exam in the evening and she had called her friend for a big party. Only, I didn’t have the exam. We, me and her friend, had full day to kill and we had different types of liquor. She had gone to study in a cafe. She returned with vodka bottle, which she had hit my with. That mark remind of me more of her than of the incident because the incident I had forgotten. I didn’t have memory of the pleasurable escapade I had with her friend. I know drinking is an excuse but why didn’t she un-friend her friend, after the incident. Why only me?
I saw that friend of her, I don’t want name her, with a guy, who had been impatiently following you for the last semester. Didn’t you see a connection between her and him? Didn’t you think she had planned this and you simply allowed her the opportunity? It’s not that I am avoiding the blame. I accept the mistake but had you thought for a flip second before throwing the bottle at me. I know it’s hard to process the emotions reasonably but it had been over two months. Am I only worth a single mistake? If it so, how about when you came on Sunday morning, totally wasted, with your heels in your hand and you had told me that I had been to ‘this friend’ house.
All night I had called all of your friends, especially her.