She focused on her thoughts for a moment but soon she ventured in the territory of other people’s thoughts. Everyone had their troubles dealing with life. Their problems might be unique like social anxiety. Some overwrote their problems, some deliberately tried to erase their problems with cocoa powder pastries, and some wrote them with barely perceptible ink so that they may not be judged. Some people let their problems diffused over time into their psyche and now they and their problems were so sync together that they don’t know any more what was their problems and where their actual personality started. She realized that she couldn’t understand some people’s pain because they were on gluten-free diet. She searched far and wide in the black wall, but no one had the problem exactly like hers, so there wasn’t a way she could look into ameliorative measures.
I wasn’t cheating on you
He confessed, “I wasn’t cheating on you.”
Even though he replied in negative, the use of word ‘cheating’ in the same sentence caused her immense pain. She wished to have only heard. “No. I didn’t do anything.” “I wasn’t involved.” If he can’t answer properly, it would have been for him to lie, as lie would calm her frantic mind. She didn’t want to face the demon right now; she was busy living her life and at this juncture of their relationship or her life, she couldn’t take it. But what the heck! She had to face it one day, why not now.
The pain it had caused couldn’t be put in words. She had read stories about cheating and adultery. Earlier, she had earlier dismissed them as plot points to make life of hero or heroine troublesome. She never invested them emotionally. Or she often laughed about them as she considered them as cliché of storytelling. Probably, it was because she was a scientist and her critical mind failed to sync with emotional needs of protagonists. When this understanding dawned upon her, the clouds of understanding burst open and she was almost drowned in the deluge that followed.