Beyond Repair

What has gotten into her? He broke her heart, she cried. She picked herself up and started to live life again. Hurt followed her wherever she went. The sight of lovebirds tortured her. Seeing a recently ditched bit or girl, particularly those who didn’t have their shit together, calmed her a little bit. She went to then talked to them, consoled them and only then she felt a little happy in her heart: she wasn’t alone in this shit and there are people who are worse then her. 

But this feeling was fleeting and she didn’t know anyone new who had recently broken-up with his/her partner and whose life was in shambles. As a result, she couldn’t get her high from talking such people and this absence left her low, very low, emotionally. 

Exasperated, she wondered what went wrong between her and her boyfriend. And she didn’t find anything wrong with her. He broke up with her because he was angry with her or he didn’t understand her or she didn’t match her expectations or his friends thought she was a controlling bitch or she stole the money from his account or she was feeling lost and alone when he went on vacation with his friends or they didn’t talk to each other for a month or her monthly cycle matched with their fighting episodes. She didn’t have the answers but whatever it was it was not her fault.

 

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Cold Relationships

“These pizzas are like boys, don’t you think?”

“How so?” Carmine asked.

“As soon as it has been delivered, you know an new smell had entered your apartment and even before you see it, you are inclined to taste it. Couple that with the magnificent presentation, you simply wanted to devour it. You bit into a piece and gulp it often without chewing as it taste so great. You lick your lips long after you have eaten the piece, as the taste had stayed with them. As you pass time with the pizza, you get habituated with its form and smell, and you don’t feel like finishing it as its smell had satiated your senses, if you haven’t filled up your belly with it. But you continue eating as you have bought it for you know that tomorrow it won’t taste same when it gets colder. How do you continue the cold relationships?”

“Haa haa. You are right but don’t boys say the same thing about us. They probably compare us with hot dishes, who tend to get cold faster.” Carmine answered.

 

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I wasn’t cheating on you

He confessed, “I wasn’t cheating on you.”

Even though he replied in negative, the use of word ‘cheating’ in the same sentence caused her immense pain. She wished to have only heard. “No. I didn’t do anything.” “I wasn’t involved.” If he can’t answer properly, it would have been for him to lie, as lie would calm her frantic mind. She didn’t want to face the demon right now; she was busy living her life and at this juncture of their relationship or her life, she couldn’t take it. But what the heck! She had to face it one day, why not now.

The pain it had caused couldn’t be put in words. She had read stories about cheating and adultery. Earlier, she had earlier dismissed them as plot points to make life of hero or heroine troublesome. She never invested them emotionally. Or she often laughed about them as she considered them as cliché of storytelling. Probably, it was because she was a scientist and her critical mind failed to sync with emotional needs of protagonists. When this understanding dawned upon her, the clouds of understanding burst open and she was almost drowned in the deluge that followed.

 

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